Irreverence - The internal conflict of a child

"What did you do in school today?" My mom asked as she prepared my favourite after school food, pancakes. "kaan't rhemembher .. whass playying.." I replied with my mouth stuffed with pancakes. "Eat your food and then answer. Never speak with food in your mouth." my mom responded with fake anger in her tone. I always enjoyed this time when my mother could sit with me as I ate. I started narrating what happened in school that day. "I went to school early. Jim and I played handball near the banyan tree till the school bell rang. During the class, Jim said something to me which made me laugh.  I had lunch with Jim, and then we went for a walk around the school campus."  "Looks like you enjoy playing with Jim. Where does he live?" asked my mother.  "Well, somewhere to the other side of the school. I don't know. Jim says it takes him more than 30 minutes to reach home. He stays in his father's office quarters." I replied...

"It was Stanney", said Marie and her friends pointing towards me as a bunch of furious boys surrounded them. I froze in fear as the angry mob of my school seniors looked at me. I could feel the time slowing down and an instant increase in my Cortisol levels. These students are trying to take revenge for something which happened earlier in the day. My mind just retraced the horrible events which occurred earlier in the day.  Our school days were divided into seven sessions of 40 minutes each. The third session of that day was physical education. The students had to go to the playground and actively participate in a sport of their choice. In our class, boys generally played soccer. Midway through the game, I fell and hurt myself. So, I decided to get back to the class. A group of girls also decided to get back. As I turned towards the corridor leading to my classroom, I saw one of our seniors coming out of our room. I don't think he noticed the girls or me as he turned and ...

I felt my heart pound as I stood on a platform to witness my school assembly. All my schoolmates threw an occasional glance at me and laughed. A person standing on the platform was an open invitation to mock. The indignation prevented even the tears to come out of my eyes. Who wants to come out and feel despised? Tears were no exception. I started recounting the events which led to this. “Stanney, Stanney!”, I heard these words amongst condescending laughter as my classmates shook me. I could see my whole class laughing either directly at me or giggling with their hands sensitively closing their mouth. Jim, who was next to me pointed me to the Geography teacher, Mrs. Smith. There she stood with her eye piercing my mind with the intention to tear me down with her righteous condemnation. ‘What could I have done wrong while standing with my class in the school assembly’, I thought. Whatever it was, there was a sense of usuality and a burst of fear in me as I stood with my hands tied ...

I finally got the experience of what falling from a height feels like. It was an encounter I feared for long. My eyes stretched to its limits, my pupils dilated, my skin decided to go slower than my body and my mind spewed melancholy at the speed of light as gravity accelerated my body towards the rocks. The confusion in my small head perfectly captured the dystopia and paradox of my life. The pleasure of not having to face tomorrow and fear of the pain the collision will cause, tap danced through the vehicle of thoughts. The pain of missing my loved ones was overbearing accompanied by musical harmony in the background. I wished I could have written down the notes dissipating from my thoughts. The ironic pleasure ending the desponded life was corrupting the beauty of the notes.  Does time freeze when one falls freely? I definitely felt that way. I wondered if this was the relativity my teacher was teaching in the class later that day. The dismal green building of my school an...